The Reasons You Fall for Someone Not Good for You

People are attracted to themselves. It’s assortative mating, wherein certain persons gravitate toward other persons of similar characteristics. It’s also likely one of the reasons behind attracting the wrong type of partner.

Birds of the Same Feather

In the simplest of terms, if you’re the type who enjoys adventurous trips, then you’d want someone who’s into taking risks, too. There’s nothing wrong with that; it may even boost your dating profile on online dating sites. If you’ve signed up for a professional matchmaking service, that might also make you appealing to high-profile personalities.

But what if you have a complex personality and a penchant for playing games? You’ll likely be looking for someone who isn’t straightforward; you’ll want someone who also loves the excitement of a chase. Your life as a couple may be filled with thrills, but it could also be rife with drama.

Assortative mating may also leave you with serial relationships if you have unresolved issues about commitment. In this instance, you may be attracted to unattainable people. You may date men or women who are in relationships. Maybe you pick persons whose jobs make it hard for them to stay in one place, like a journalist or an entrepreneur who handles business internationally.

Sometimes, an attraction to the wrong type of person happens when you choose to represent a different side of you.

Authenticity in Contemporary Dating

People lie in their online dating profiles in two ways:

  • To appear more attractive
  • To avoid further communication without cutting off contact


Some people tend to lie about height, weight, or occupation. In a study, men overstate their height, and women understate their weight. The good news is that these types of deception are not problematic; they turn into an issue of trust when portraying someone you’re not. For instance, you say you enjoy going out and staying late in clubs to get a date with an attractive extrovert. It may be exciting for a few days or weeks, but you may be surrounded by people you’re not comfortable with.

Authenticity is important. When you show someone who you genuinely are from the get-go, you’ll have a better chance at a long-term relationship.

It’s Not You; It’s Me

In some cases, a mismatch may not be because of the other person. It’s worth considering that the common denominator in an unfavorable string of relationships is you.

  • If your dates continue to lead to bad relationships
  • If your arguments feel like you’re reliving the same thing
  • If your breakups are over the same reasons

It may be time to take a long, hard look at what you could be doing. You may not be aware of it, but maybe you’ve been carrying baggage from a past relationship, one you’ve been hung up on. Perhaps you’re not prepared to be in a serious relationship yet, and it may be better to work on you first. Yes, it sounds like a lame breakup line, but it could be true for some.

Attraction to someone who may not be suitable for you doesn’t have to keep happening. You can stop the same negative outcome. Whether it’s consciously shifting your preference for a partner to assessing your past relationships, you have control over your romantic life. You can have the freedom to discover the right one.

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